Anonymous interesting thought of the day: you might come within just feet of someone who will later be your best friend hundreds of time before you first meet. (My parents lived next door to a friend I have now when I was a year old, and none of us figured it out until eighteen years later).

I ate at Chef’s Bistro twice before ever meeting him. Now he sleeps in my bed and complains that I won’t consent to marry him.

I keep telling him that’s technically illegal and also suicidal. He shrugs.

Divorce anon here. It’s… tricky. Ofc I want them to be happy, but i don’t think separating would do that for them. And they’re both in counseling but idk if it’ll be enough to keep my dad from ending it. The debt is my fault. I know that’s not fair (i was in college and then I got real sick and had to leave to get medical treatment) to put on myself but it’s hard not to think about because even if it’s not fair, it’s still true. I am the reason we’re in debt and my family is ruined.

That is not “your fault”. That’s circumstance. Has nothing to do with you. And that’s their duty as parents, so don’t you dare internalize that. Tell them not to worry for you, to do what is best, to consider all options, including bankruptcy.

But don’t blame yourself. It’s neither healthy nor constructive. Not even accurate, frankly.

If you have recently decided to follow this blog

simonalkenmayer:

Welcome!

There are some things you need to know! (Please do read to the bottom, if you’ll humor me). This is an opportunity to decide whether or not you’d care to be a part of this participatory blog.

You may call me Simon or Simone. I am the author of the Creature’s
Cookbook novel series… and a very old anthropophagic cryptid, or “people
eating monster”…

Yes, a real one. No, not an artistic creation or a
pathetic plea for attention. My books are classified as fiction, but
that is entirely the point I am trying to make. I eat humans and I write
about it, and for some reason, people find it amusing. Probably because
you’re not quite right in the head, but that is what we are here to
determine.

This Tumblr blog is one facet of an ongoing immersive
publishing and social media experiment to quantify humanity’s use of
fiction as a comprehension tool. I hypothesize that modern man is
exposed to entirely too much fiction with deleterious effects on
cognition. I am uniquely qualified to run this experiment, you see,
because I exist.  You, however, being familiar with Tumblr–where the
Otherkin run amok–and all the other role playing games of the last
few decades, are desensitized and find me silly or pretentious. It’s
perfectly reasonable, but…well…a grave mistake.

I invite you to read the FAQ
about the structure of the experiment (which is really very simple, in that you read things at your leisure and occasionally anonymously answer questions in survey form if you want), the rules for participation, and
the facts of my species. You are encouraged to converse with me and ask
questions (that is the entire purpose of the social media platforms I maintain). You may pose anonymous “asks”, though if you vex me, there
will be consequences. Find my published work,
available via the Tapas Media Publication app, where the books can be
obtained via “coin farming” with minimal to no expense, or via Amazon and Barnes&Noble.  See my website to find free supplemental materials like articles, recipes, short stories, news, and guest blogging.

For reference, this blog is more of a community atmosphere which I moderate, and it contains mostly food, recipes, horror or goth aesthetic, history, anthropology, mythology, linguistics, science, and anything a person of my…particular nature…might find of interest about humanity. I believe in kindness as a discipline and so do not allow rudeness of any sort, most especially from my readers toward one another. I take asks, submissions, and DM’s. This is a positive place and a safe space, not a soapbox or a cult. I have no interest in either of the latter.

Thank you for coming along if you choose to stay, and if you do not, I promise you I am not the least bit offended.

I am not sure whether or not i should turn anon off, but here it goes… honestly, I don’t care that you’re a man-eating monster… I still see you as someone who tries to make the best decisions possible, and I really admire that. I am always anxious and unsure of my actions and the impact they have on others, and I usually find myself thinking “Would Simon approve of what I am doing?”. Sounds kinda silly, but it’s easier to look up to you than people I see everyday.

WSYPM

Would Simon “Young Person” Me?

Look at the bottom of my FAQ and you’ll find the information regarding “Young Lady”.

when cats stare at nothing and yell at it for a long time, what do you think they’re trying to tell us

That you have a Drifter.

What is your favorite form of solitaire? I assume over the years you’ve played many, many versions as card games evolved over time.

I’m an expert in all of them.

I like pyramid, windmill, and aces up. But honestly I can play any of them quite happily.

Few people know this but I’m something of a card shark.

Do you have any advice for period cramps (and mood swings while were at it)? I’m using heat and painkillers but still feel like Satan’s baby is trying to crawl out of me

dancing-thru-clouds:

simonalkenmayer:

I don’t get those, so my advice is one part what I recall, one part witchdoctory, and one part nonsense.

I recommend a hot water bottle or heating pad, a bath, a painkiller, and something that aids in that sort of muscle contraction—like turmeric.

Eat a curry.

Raspberry leaf tea is also great-there’s some sort of compound in them that helps

Yes, it’s similar to turmeric and penny royal and all the other muscle contraction compounds.

Simon I’m so thoroughly happy at the moment. I’m wine drunk and my boyfriend is sleeping snuggled up next to me with his arms around me and I feel so safe. I’ve found my home and it lives inside him. Despite everything in my life being shit recently, I feel so at peace right now. Idk why I’m telling you this, just wanted to share it with someone.

I’m very happy for you.

Just remember not to be complacent. Home is a safe place, yes, but it must be maintained.

To the person asking about cramps, earlier people suggested masturbation. I’d personally add “look up videos of people getting hit in the testicles”, because although groin-shots hurt regardless of sex, someone who menstruates will never have testicles with that many nerve endings, so it’s a type of pain they’ll never experience, which can make one feel better.

Yes that was a suggestion the last time I had this question, as I recall.

Today is the 100 year anniversary of the Armistace of WWI

I don’t think I can impress upon you the degree of change this war indicated. It meant global culture and global strife. It was the first step in a new era.

Do honor to your predecessors today by learning something about the war. Ignorance of these things makes it all too simple for them to happen once again.

If you comment on this post or reblog it, please do so with a fact, or a personal experience connecting you to the war.

I implore you to give this day some very significant contemplation. Which should include some consideration of why our President arrived so late to the services given today in Paris.

President Macron’s words were well stated.